Eulogy For My Brother Tom

I have many stories I could tell you about my big brother Tom. 

Like the one in which he informed my mother--who was pregnant with me--that if she gave birth to a girl, he was going to go live in the barn. 

Maybe, at age 9, he just wasn't ready for another sibling in the household.      Or, perhaps he thought it would be better having another little brother (besides the 2 he already had) than to add any female power to his older sister.  Well, I suppose, that once I was brought home he must have fallen in love with me, because he didn't end up spending even one night in the barn.

I could tell you about when I started first grade, and fueled by either his own concern, my anxiety, or perhaps my mother's instruction, Tom came into my classroom, just before the official dismissal, to collect me and get me onto the correct school bus ahead of the bedlam of running children and numerous busses to choose from in a dusty gravel lot.  I'm pretty sure he did this for at least my first couple of weeks of school.

Or, there was the time that I dropped my lunch money quarters in the tall grass just as the school bus arrived one morning.  Perhaps I began to cry, and so he just handed me his own lunch money without reprimand or comment.

Well---I could go on and on with such stories about Tom from my childhood and adulthood.   But, the theme to all of these stories would center on his loving care for me. 

He was the quintessential older brother. 

Because of our age difference we were not close in the way that siblings who grow up playing and growing together are close.  Our closeness was built on the foundation of his acceptance of the role of caretaker for me-- and mine as trusting of him. 

I cannot recall a single time that he was ever unkind to me.  He must have disagreed with me or been irritated with me at times, but he never let me know that.  He seemed to just love me however I came to him.  He never teased, lectured or scolded, but just used his humor and problem solving skills to help me when help was needed.

There are not many people we can name who give us unconditional love -----and maybe there are equally not many for whom WE give unconditional love.     For the giver, this type of love takes restraint---requires respect---and demands trust.  For the recipient, this type of love gives hope---builds confidence---and can be a foundation of strength in difficult times.  In my belief, it is this type of love that God has for ALL of us. 

Tom gave me unconditional love throughout his entire life, and I can't even begin to express how important this has been for me.   When I was 22 years old and Tom was 32, our parents died within months of each other.  As I navigated through adulthood, Tom's love helped filled in for that tangible and visible parental love that was missing in my life.

           

In the Book of Matthew, Chapter 6, Jesus tells us “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal; but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth --nor rust consumes-- and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."   

This passage reflects one of Tom's core beliefs.  It is a concept that he talked about a number of times with me and I know it was an ideology he strived to emulate. 

I feel certain, that right now, Tom is surrounded by heavenly treasures, built out of his love and caring for myself, Vera, their children, the 13 grandchildren who called him Grumps, and so many others. 

Tom's most prized treasures on earth were us

And the beauty of that-- is that he got to take us with him in a sense, as he moved on to a new existence.  

And the beauty for us, is that he will continue to exist forever, where he inserted himself in our hearts.

Life is short, and we do not have too much time to gladden the hearts of those who travel with us, so be quick to love and make haste to be kind. --Henri-Frédéric Amiel

Eulogy delivered at Tom's Funeral - St. James Episcopal Church, Pewee Valley, KY on 8/30/2014