Discovering The Youth Of My Grandmother

My grandmother, Avery Ethel Merriman, was born in Louisville, Kentucky, on July 22, 1901.  She was the first of two daughters born to Clarence and Maude Merriman.  Her sister Lillian was two years younger.  Avery grew up in a moderately well to do family.  Her father, the son of small town merchants in Wisconsin, did well with various business ventures in Louisville.  At one time he owned one of the first cafeterias in Louisville, the Phoenix Cafeteria.  He also owned a furniture company and small loan company in town.

When Avery was 17 she began to keep a scrapbook and from this scrapbook that covers about a year and a half of her life I’ve begun to form a clearer picture of her life at that time.  The scrapbook chronicles a young life filled with romantic attachments, social engagements, and youthful shenanigans.  I once heard someone in the family say that Avery and her younger sister, Lillian were beautiful young women and quite the “Belles of Louisville.”  I will explain later, that for my grandmother Avery at least, this description offered quite a contrast to the person I knew as my grandmother.

Included in Avery’s scrapbook are the artifacts of her life of 1919-1920.  At this time she had just graduated from high school and in the Fall of 1919 was sent to White Sulphur Springs, West Virginia, to attend the Lewisburg Seminary.  As far as I can determine, she only attended the Lewisburg Seminary for one year, and while there she seems to have thoroughly enjoyed herself.  She went to many dances and social events.  Dance cards were used to list partners for the set dances for the evening, like the fox trot, the waltz, and the one step.  Even if you came with a date the social etiquette of the times demanded that you danced with others throughout the evening.  Avery went to all the football games for the local military school at Lewisburg.  There are descriptions of she and her pals playing pranks on the teachers and of late night feasts heated on a hot plate in the dorm.  At the Greenbrier Knights Templar Banquet she dined on Apricot ice, cream biscuits, Virginia ham, French peas, and other delicious foods.

The scrapbook is also filled with many cards and notes that give evidence of a steady stream of flowers and candy that Avery received from Charlie, Pete, Bill Baker, Edgar Dickson, Robert Schaefer and William Renn, Jr.  Some of them were boys she’d met in West Virginia; others she knew from back home in Kentucky.  Robert Schaefer, was one of the Kentucky boyfriends, and there are several Macauley’s Theatre programs from her dates with him, when she was back in Louisville for the holidays.  William Renn was also a Louisville boyfriend.  Both continued to send her treats, flowers and cards even while she was in West Virginia.  One little note from Avery’s girlfriend warns that she better not let Bob and Bill find out about each other.  I don’t have any photos of Avery at this age but I’m guessing that she must have been quite beautiful.  She obviously had many boys after her heart!

There are some items in the scrapbook that come from New York.  They seem to represent more than one trip she took there with her father.  They went to see “Lightnin” at the Gaiety Theatre, a play staring Jason Robards, the father of the Hollywood actor that is familiar to many of us.  They also saw The Copperhead, a silent movie staring Lionel Barrymore, at the Rivoli Revue.  In those days a movie show ticket also included many other acts as well.  Listed on that program were the following: Overture, including the Rialto –Rivoli Chorus, Rivoli Pictoral (news reels, and a Mutt and Jeff cartoon), a reading of the Gettysburg Address, the feature movie (The Copperhead), a Harold Lloyd Comedy, and finishing off with an organ solo.  Other programs in the scrapbook were from the Selwyn Theatre and the Harris Theatre, both in New York, and the Mary Anderson Theater in Louisville.

I’m not sure what Avery did after her year at the Lewisburg Seminary.  I suspect that she returned to Louisville and began to work for her father in his business ventures.  My dad once told me that she was a very good businesswoman so I’m guessing she learned this at the side of her father.  Another year later, in 1922, when she was 21, Avery’s father sent her on a grand trip to Europe.  Back then it was considered good training to send a young person on such a “grand tour” as a part of their education or perhaps it was a measure of one’s success if you were able to send your daughter or son on such an expensive trip.  She doesn’t seem to have been accompanied by any friends or family but I’m sure that she must have been part of some well supervised and chaperoned arranged tour.  According to her passport application she was to visit Italy, Switzerland, Germany, Belgium, Holland and the British Isles.  Her ship left and returned from Montreal Canada.  She shipped out on June 30, 1922 and returned back to the Montreal port on September 10, 1922.  So, the trip lasted at least two and a half months.

Now is the part where I tell you what I remember of my grandmother, whom we called “Gamma.”  For as long as I remembered her she was in a wheelchair.  I’m guessing that she was in that wheelchair at least by the age of 62.  She and her husband, my grandfather Jack Riley, lived in various nursing homes the entire time that I remember them.  They were not happy, and not the type of grandparents that a young child such as myself wanted to approach.  They seemed always bitter, sarcastic and sad.  We often went to visit them at the nursing home on Sundays, and as a small child I was terrified of the whole place.  I learned very little about my grandmother during my visits with her.  My grandfather died when I was about 11 and Avery died when I was almost 15.  My pathetic childish description of her would be that she was a sad and ugly person, a large nose with big pores, and stuck in a wheelchair.  She had a kitschy sense of style and crocheted afghans of bright and garish colors.  As I look back now I realize that I had no real sense of who she was and she seemed to have no real interest in finding out whom I was either.

But, now I am sad as I look through her teenage scrapbook.  I wonder what happened to the beautiful, lighthearted, worldly and vivacious person that was my grandmother.  How did she transition from that wonderful start into a sad and crippled life?  I only have a few clues.  The summer after her trip to Europe she married Jack Riley.  He was about 6 years older than she and an Army Veteran.  Jack was a sales rep for a furniture company and would come in to Avery’s father’s furniture store in Louisville.  She’d had many beaus, so something about Jack must have been very appealing.  I’ve heard that he had a great sense of humor and loved to have a good time.  But, regardless of the reasons they married and about a year later had my father, their only child.  Avery and Jack worked together in the restaurant business and later Jack was a salesman for one of the Kentucky distilleries.  I’ve mentioned before that while they lived in New York City his job was to go from bar to bar and try to convince the owners to stock his companies’ bourbon as the house brand.  A job that was referred to as a "missionary."  This is an occupation that apparently led to his becoming an alcoholic.

Once, when I was young, I asked my mother, why “Gamma” was in a wheelchair and she answered me curtly and bitterly, “Because she got drunk and fell down the basement stairs.”  I didn’t ask again or prod for details.  Much later, when I was a teenager, my mother seemed alarmed after reading something in our local county paper.  She must have said something that alerted my attention like “oh my god.”  I asked what she had seen and she referred to a section that paper which always ran little one paragraph news briefs from “25 years ago today’, “50 years ago today”, and so on.  It must have been in the “25 years ago” section that my grandfather was briefly mentioned.  Mom told me that he (Jack Sr.) had at that time been somewhere in Oldham County with a woman (not Avery, his wife) and that their car had been stuck in the snow, the woman got out to push but was accidentally run over and killed by my grandfather gunning it at the wheel.  The way my mother told the story I could tell that it must have been a scandalous affair for the family and that to see it referred to in the present was a bitter blast from the past.  Again, I didn’t ask for details and she offered no more about the incident.

So, my best guess as to what happened to Avery is that she and Jack, descended into a life of unhappiness and perhaps despair.  Maybe their marriage was bitter and alcohol is certain to have played a role.  My father never talked about them in any critical way, as is typical of children in such situations.  I know Dad spent a lot of time with his grandparents, who maybe were rescuing their grandchild from a volatile home life.  It was only on rare occasions that I saw my father take a drink of anything alcoholic, even though my mother religiously had her bourbon and water at 5 pm each evening.  Dad was a dutiful son who put up with the difficulties of his parents, most of which I have only a vague notion or knowledge of.  I do know that they were so difficult to please that he was forced to move them from nursing home to nursing home over the years and my father would joke that they had been in every nursing home in Louisville.

Avery died in 1974 at the age of 72.  I thought her old at the time but of course I now realize how young she really was.  Riding to the Cave Hill Cemetery, in the Pearson’s Funeral Home limo, after her funeral, was the first time I had every seen my father with tears in his eyes.  I wonder if Avery would have had better life with Bill, Bob, Edgar, Pete, Charlie, or one of her other many suitors?  But, then again I wouldn't be here today if she hadn't chosen Jack.  

-Mary

This is Avery's passport photo from 1922.

This photo of Avery was taken at her 70th birthday party.  It is how I remember her.